The Short Kiss Goodbye
Sometimes life is frustrating. Wait, let me rephrase that. Life is often frustrating, and part of the time the reason it is frustrating is what I’m going to blog about today. You could consider this the final part of The Bess Chronicles, but that’s not in the title so clearly you’d be wrong to consider it so. It is, however, about Bess, but also about people in general and specifically women.
I don’t believe in subtlety. In general I consider it a monumental waste of time. If I want something, I tend to be very blunt and ask for it. The topic that I’m talking about today is kissing, so I’ll get more specific. When I want to kiss someone, first I of course intensely overanalyze whether or not kissing that person would be a good idea and what sort of short and long term ramifications would result from such a kiss. But once I’ve decided that such ramifications would be either positive or negligible, I have two courses of action that I take. Either I tell the girl that I want to kiss her or (and this second option is more likely to happen if I’m drunk) I just kiss her. It’s really fairly simple, although I tend to complicate it because that’s what I do.
I will now delve into a purely hypothetical situation, because it’s one that I’ve never actually dealt with in real life. Nobody I don’t want to kiss me has ever tried to kiss me. True story. Partially it’s because I’m not terribly discriminatory about who I want to kiss, and because women have been trained to let men do the chasing so if I don’t want to kiss them they’re unlikely to make a move. But whatever the reason, it’s never happened.
But what if it did happen? This isn’t an issue that has caused me to lose much sleep, because the answer is fairly simple. If somebody tried to kiss me, and I didn’t want them to, I wouldn’t fucking kiss them! Is that a complicated or outrageous claim to make? I don’t think so. I think it’s fairly logical and would avoid a lot of drama down the road.
Clearly Bess doesn’t feel the same way. Bess is a very difficult girl to read, which is part of what made the wooing process so difficult (that’s right, I’m the first person to unironically use the verb woo in over 30 years). On what I can only assume will be our last date—although you never know—I kissed her a handful of times, and every time she kissed me back. These kisses didn’t have the same passion that our earlier smooches did, and I could tell that she was holding something back.
But she never stopped me from kissing her, so I wasn’t sure what was going on. It reminded me of our third date when we were making out on my couch. Things were going really well and I had gotten plenty of good boob action in, so I decided to, well, let’s just say… do stuff to her vagina. My hand made its journey down to that area, only to discover that her legs had been clamped shut. It would have been like trying to pull open a bear trap if I hadn’t gotten the hint. And really, hint is the right word, because it was a pretty vague and indirect way of making that area off limits.
I remember hooking up with a girl in college, and the one time I took a shot down south she grabbed my hand, without missing a beat, and put it right on her breast. It was perfect, because it sent a loud and clear message without interrupting the flow of the out making, and who was I to complain about having my hand on a girl’s boob? I feel like a lot of the time people aren’t direct because they don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or whatever, and frankly, I find it more frustrating than if they were just open about what they were thinking/feeling/wanting.
So eventually I gave up and asked Bess what the deal was. Put simply, she’s still hung up on her ex and isn’t interested in anything more than being friends. Bummer. But at least I know now, and don’t have to worry about it anymore. And anyway, things change, and maybe she’ll decide that she’s dumb and actually does want to date me. Until then, I’ll keep on kissing people I want to kiss and not kissing people I don’t want to kiss… because I’m smart like that.
Explore posts in the same categories: Sex/RelationshipsTags: Bess, Boyfriend, dating, Friends, Relationships, Sex
You can comment below, or link to this permanent URL from your own site.
